So when the conversation turned to cheese, I said “I embrace cheese!” And I do. In the scheme of things, I might be better off not eating it, but I like it. I don’t eat it every day, or even every week, but I buy it, I eat it, I cook with it. If I ever became a vegan (an idea I flirt with periodically), I’d miss it.

I thought that publicly embracing cheese would stave off whatever was to come, but it didn’t. The woman next to me said that she liked cheese, too, but that she had been “rebellious” about it. Her husband had wanted her to give it up early on in their marriage, but she didn’t want to. However, at some point she gained the victory, and now she no longer eats cheese.

Inwardly I cursed myself for being outspoken about my cheese-loving ways. She framed her “battle” with cheese (there’s got to be a comic strip in there somewhere) in a spiritual way, thus subtly suggesting that I was less spiritual than she was (she didn’t say that, but that’s how these things work in many Adventist circles).

Next time I’ll be quiet; no one really wants to hear about why I (a Seventh-day Adventist pastor’s wife) am not a vegetarian, and on occasion a non-Leviticus 11 meat-eater to boot.

As a result, I was late, but that didn’t seem to make any difference to the SD with whom I met. I have met her husband several times, but she was known to me only by reputation. She gave me a brief tour of the retreat site and made some tea before we sat down in the living room.

I can’t say where spiritual direction is going to take me. I only know that I don’t like where I am, and I need help getting to somewhere else. She wasn’t any help when I asked what to do next; doing was not the point, she said. What’s more important is to learn to be in the presence of God (or something like that…I was in such a hurry I didn’t bring a notepad).

In the end, she left me with three directives:

1. Pray about whether or not she’s the right spiritual director for me (there are others available if she’s not a good fit). I’m not very good at praying these days, but I suppose I should give it a try. I already know that I like her, and it’s not just a form of imprinting.

2. Listen for the invitation of God (whatever that means);

3. Read Sacred Companions: The Gift of Spiritual Friendship and Direction. All of my ideas about spiritual direction come from Susan Howatch’s Starbridge series (which begins with Glittering Images), so it’s just as well that I get a better idea of what I’m in for. I’ve always been good at assigned reading, so I won’t have any problem here.

Let’s see what happens.

I can still google myself to see that I placed 201st out of 207 runners (Helen was 200), and 12th out of 13 in my age group. My chief triumph was that I ran every step of those ten miles. No walking, no stopping. Helen stayed with me the entire way.

Later that week I went out for a run, but I found that neither my body nor my mind was ready yet. Seven weeks later, on a cold Tuesday evening, I finally went for a run. The next day, I came down with a cough. I coughed for ten days before I learned that I had pneumonia. I made periodic attempts to run over the next few months, but they always ended with coughing spasms and more days in bed.

Years have passed, and so have pneumonia, mono, and my Runner’s World subscription. But a few weeks ago I went out and bought a new pair of running shoes.

I also dug up my Nike SDM Triax 100. It’s been so long since I used it that a battery leaked inside the pod and it needed to be recalibrated. I recalibrated last night, but it’s still off, so I’m going to try again tonight.

A co-worker says I should stick with walking, as it’s better for aging bodies. He might be right, but I’m not ready to pass into middle age just yet. I still have a marathon to run.

4. Potato chips. Olive oil is good for you, right?

5. Did I mention potato chips?

2. In the last summer of my college years, I worked at a summer camp in the mountains of Arizona. We went rock climbing and rappelling one day near the end of the summer, both of which were new to me. Rappelling was great, but rock climbing was another thing altogether. I climbed what was probably not a very difficult rock face, but about three quarters of the way up, I had to make a move to a point that I couldn’t see. It was fifteen minutes before I screwed up the courage to successfully make that move.

3. In another lifetime I was married to a different man. The marriage was difficult from the beginning. We had been to four different marriage counselors, but none of them were able to help us. The last one had suggested a quasi-separation, where we continued to live together, but lived as separately as possible. This was more difficult in practice than in theory.

As hard as the marriage was, I never imagined getting divorced. But one afternoon, he said that he wanted a real separation, where I lived somewhere else (our house was provided as one of his job benefits). In the moment after his statement, coldness born of fear and failure settled into my bones.

4. Late one summer evening I was at a Lake Michigan beach with my husband and younger stepson. The sun was setting, the water was warm, and due to a strong wind the waves were unusually high. To our left was a pier. The waves were breaking near the shore in a V pattern: from the left, then from the right, back and forth. We were in the water at the point of the V, laughing, talking, playing, until suddenly my husband noticed that my stepson and I were moving away from him. As soon as he said it, I felt the rip current sucking at my legs and panicked as the next wave washed over me. He grabbed his son (then eight years old) and put him ashore. In the meantime, I could neither get my footing nor catch my breath between waves. My rising, thrashing panic was cut short when my husband returned and held out his hand.

It’s true what they say: Never, ever, panic when caught in a rip current.

5. My daily highway commute cuts through farms and forests. Roadkill—raccoons, opossum, and deer—is a common sight during certain parts of the year. As long as I had traveled that highway, I worried most about hitting a deer. They’re big and often not smart enough to stay out of the way of speedy vehicles.

Thus it was that early one dark November morning, listening to the book of Acts on tape, just as Paul was getting shipwrecked off the coast of Malta, a deer tried to run across the road in front of my car. I didn’t see it until it was in front of my car. I had only time to gasp before the impact, which was fatal to the deer and totaled my car. I, however, was only a bit shaken: no cuts, bruises, muscle strains, or death.

3. George W. Bush admitting that the invasion of Iraq was a mistake.

4. Me, wearing a bikini again. It’s not yet too late, but the point of no return is fast approaching.

5. A reliable universal translator, thus making it possible for anyone to communicate with anyone else in the world without having to know the other language. Sure, it might make Americans slack off even more than they already do with language study, but it would still be a useful tool. I’m never going to learn Chinese or Hindi, but I might want to talk to someone who does.

An avenue of flowering mimosa. It was spring again! An overpowering scent had pervaded the countryside and driven winter back up the mountain slopes. Then: a rosy peak. The blue leaves of the eucalyptus trees.
Three pagodas. I counted 14 storeys, each lower than the one before, with the result that even from a distance I had the impression of standing at their feet, head tilted back, and seeing them tower, foreshortened, above me. I would never have a chance to take a closer look at them. Already they were falling behind. That is how I will always remember them. From the perspective of the departing traveller, mysterious in their remoteness and rich in their mystery.

Such is the blessing we may grant ourselves: not to see everything.

No one gets to do everything that they want to do in life. You have to choose. By choosing one thing, you are choosing not to do something else. That’s all right.

2. There are several things that will remain important throughout your life. Some of them are:

- Your spiritual life
- Your physical health
- Your mind
- Your connections with family and friends
- Your work (whatever that is: school, career, making a living, parenting)

Every day, do something to maintain and grow these areas of your life.

3. Get adequate sleep every night. Your capacity to do what you really want to do is diminished if you don’t.

4. Everything else is optional. Do it only if you really want to do it, or if you are called to do it.

There are many good things that you can do in your life. All of the things that you mentioned in your list are good things. To live your life well, concentrate on the best things.

2. Taal Volcano, Philippines: My trip to the Philippines was an involuntary experience in learning to let go, and thus I had an enjoyable vacation with a small group of friends. One of the highlights of the visit was the Taal Volcano, an inactive volcano* containing a lake, which contained another inactive volcano containing another lake, which contained another inactive volcano possibly containing another lake. We arrived late in the day, so we were only able to boat around in the first lake.

The beauty and unusualness of the place combined to make it a memorable experience. It’s the kind of place in which I’d like to live, quietly, except that I’d be afraid that an earthquake would send my home sliding to the bottom of the lake. I’d like to return anyway, as I didn’t get to see the other lakes.

*Research conducted for this post indicates that one or more of these volcanos maintains some volcanic activity. It seems that earthquakes would be only one of my worries should I decide to live there.

3. Kyungju, South Korea: Although I lived in Korea for several years, I had a hard time thinking of one or more places to which I’d like to take friends or family members. Korea was such an enmeshed web of experiences, and sorting out one (or more) that could appeal to both me and others is difficult (there are places which I would recommend to visitors but wouldn’t want to go there again myself. Panmunjom, anyone?). In addition, living in a different (I hesitate to call Korea exotic, although it has a charm all its own) place tends to strip away the unfamiliar and make it ordinary. I also find certain small things interesting to which most other people don’t give even a first thought, and if I’m not careful, an outing can quickly become tedious for others (I still don’t know why I’m fascinated by royal tumuli, but I like to read the signs of every one I pass. Oh, look…here’s a shrine to some people who died. Let’s take a look. What’s that monument? Hey, there’s a historical marker…I want to read it. Have you ever stopped to see the Chief Menominee statue? It’s only twenty minutes off the road. Maybe we’ll see some deer on the way. No, I distinctly remember that there are no bathrooms there).

However, my favorite place to visit in Korea is the city of Kyungju, ancient capital of the Shilla dynasty. Much of what’s to be seen in Kyungju is outdoors within easy walking distance, and there’s also hiking on various local mountains still full of Buddhist artifacts: images carved into stones and mountainsides, temples and temple remains, lonely pagodas overlooking impressive vistas, hermitages. A visit to Kyungju is a quick way to get a sense of old Korea.

4. The Grand Canyon, USA: I worked at a camp in Arizona one summer in college. During one of the last weeks, we took the campers to the Grand Canyon. We spent about 20 minutes on the rim and then went to see an IMAX movie about the Grand Canyon. A future visit with the children would both correct that imbalance as well as introduce them to a place that has to be seen to be believed.

4. Snake Alley, Taipei, Taiwan: Mention Taipei, and I’ll mention Snake Alley. It remains the most interesting of many interesting things I experienced during my visit. In front of the restaurants of this street are crates of live snakes and live snakes strung up to be butchered for dinner. I don’t eat snake and don’t intend to try it, but snakes are fascinating to most people. It’s the closest I ever hope to get to an uncaged cobra.

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